I have not always felt free to be seen. You see, I was raised in a large family with eight children. Seven girls and one boy. I was homeschooled and we were poor. My dad worked at a utility pole manufacturing plant and my mom joyfully stayed home with us, but under the surface, I believed she longed for the mountains and all the adventure that they could give her. My dad left his job when I was 8. His body could no longer handle how taxed it was from the chemical exposure and lack of safety precautions. Soon after he left his job, we moved in with my mom’s parents and from that point, we were supported by the sale of our house and when that ran out, the state.
Despite our circumstances, my parents gave us adventures like camping and road trips to the Oregon Coast. We had endless forrest in our back yard and had a playroom full of toys and coloring books we were taught to do our chores and mom gave us creative ways to accomplish simple tasks to make them fun. My dad was always talking with us and teaching us to reason out our issues and they both helped us with strategies for conflict resolution that I still use today. They loved us the absolute best way they knew how. Even though I had a loving environment, there were hardships too. The lessons from my parents were perceived as fear based and controlling which created an environment in my heart of fear, judgement, bitterness, tunnel vision, comparison, insecurity and huge walls built to protect myself.
I experienced miracles in the form of food and clothes showing up after praying for a need. I felt loyal to God even though the way I saw him was through eyes filtered with all the hurt in my heart. When I turned 18, I left. I actually left the country for a year because I needed independence. I was on a quest to find “normal” because of my limited social life and being homeschooled and being poor, my wounds took me to a place where I felt like I wasn’t a real human and could not be accepted with my peers because I didn’t know how life worked.
If I knew then what I know now, things would be different for me. However, I have come to the firm belief that our individual journey prepares us for our perfect future.
My journey brought me to a place of complete desperation. My marriage was failing, I was an angry mom who learned how to be a victim of life in every aspect, I was failing at finances and at keeping house. In 2011 I decided to train to run a marathon. From the point that decision was made, I started heading down a journey of healing and restoration in body, mind and spirit. I came to discover the God of Israel. I found truth. I found healing and I am never ever going back to the life I was living before. God orchestrated a beautiful journey with all the pain and pressure necessary to bring me here. I believe that God was able to send me on this journey because I made a choice to make a change in my life. Had I not been in that low place of complete desperation, I may not have found out how loving and tender and liberating a Father I have.
Why essential oils? When I realized that most plants have oils and they have so many different uses and saw scientific chemical research to back it up, I felt like I had discovered something new. A resource coming from Him that was hidden and now it’s revealed and it felt like my job was to figure out every one of them and how they could benefit my family.
God has been using the oils to show me more and more about His love and His abundance. I am finding my personality again. I love my husband and see him differently than I ever have before. I was raised in a christian church, but the God I knew in my youth is not the God I know now. The one I know now if full of love. Love. This is a word that I never really understood until this past year. Now I know love and now I can give it freely to anyone. God has set me free. He has given me new eyes and a new heart and has shown me that I have value. I have something to say. I have something to share and there are people out there who want to hear it.
My friends, for the first time ever, I am going to be revealing me as I find myself. The ups and the downs the wins and losses. The true me has been buried for so long under pain and expectation that it is all I can do to not shout it from the rooftops.
As I show myself to you, I hope that you can also let me see you. I want to hear your heart. I want to hear your hopes and dreams. I want to hear what you as an individual have to say. I want you to know that you are valued and beautiful and created for a reason. I hope that being honest with my journey can help you discover yours.
Thank you for listening and I hope that our hearts can grow together
Shaloma Dawn Allen